I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
