I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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