If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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