I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
