Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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