dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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