No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
