It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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