You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
