Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
