The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
