Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's get the cat blown out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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