hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
