I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
