no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
