Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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