so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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