i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
