im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
