it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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