Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
