Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I yelled at your uterus for you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize