I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
