so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i think i just lost a toe
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
