just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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