Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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