Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize