Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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