there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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