you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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