So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
