i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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