This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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