I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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