Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
