Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
