What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
