I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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