Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
