we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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