i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
