You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
