it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want to make out with him forever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
