i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The adults are the big ones right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
