I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
