You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
