hotel room ftw
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
