I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
