Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
