i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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