god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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