I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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