Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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