Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
