remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
