Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
