We're like a lot better than the average bears
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
