SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
