i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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