my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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