I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
