i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
