and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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