Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
