I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
