Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
