we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
