just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
