in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im part way to drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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