I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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