And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
