Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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