why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am one with the molecules
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
