Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
