She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
