I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
