Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
